Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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