cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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