Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
