I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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