What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
