he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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