Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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