Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
