i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
