if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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