Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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