Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
