Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
