THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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