i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
