Got a toothbrush?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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