yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize