I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
