you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
