And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
