last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
