How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
