It's Friday. Sex?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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