i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
