Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
