it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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