I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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