i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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