Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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