check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.