Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.