He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.