Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.