It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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