Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
