Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
