My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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