I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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