Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
