YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
