Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
