i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
