It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule