I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend