if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am