Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.