i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sext me about skeletons
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero