clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."