Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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