I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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