Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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