Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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