I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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