I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
