Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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