I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
