you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
