I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
