after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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