I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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