I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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