Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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