Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
