Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
