This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
