I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
