I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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