Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
