I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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