so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
