terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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