Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
